It’s Time For High Achievers To Drop the Fight – Ep 33

What’s the internal fight that’s weighing you down?

Recently, I shared a social media post with two pictures of myself: one from this year and one from 2019.

The difference between the two is significant. Yes, in the 2019 pic, I’m heavier, but it’s more than that. My energy and vibrancy are miles apart.

People who see this change in me tend to ask one specific thing: how I lost the weight. Well, it was a three-year-long process, and it was a lot of different things, but what I ultimately discovered was that before I could drop the weight, I had to drop the fight.

Flying the High Achiever Banner

This realization came to me while I was working with my coach, Eugene Choi, in gorgeous Oceanside, California. (By the way, Eugene recently joined me on the podcast, and it’s a must-listen!) He helped me realize that I was hiding the huge war my brain and body were waging under the socially celebrated banner of High Achiever.

I was so proud of the grit that had won me my “success.” For that reason, when it really hit home that my High Achiever label was just the manifestation of all my fear and fighting, it knocked the wind out of me. It wasn’t so much a lightbulb moment as it was a bomb that completely blew up how I viewed my lived experience.

The many hats your fight might wear

It’s pretty crowded under this High Achiever banner. We’re so often told that we only deserve to win if we spend every waking (and a lot of sleeping) moment working our asses off to do, and take, and get. The fight that starts out supporting our upward trajectory and ends up burning us out can take a lot of different forms. Here are just a few:

  • It can look like overworking or proudly doing “whatever it takes” to get things done.
  • It can look like overdelivering, like constantly giving in to our people-pleasing need to wow everyone Every. Single. Time.
  • It can look like overcontrolling. When we’re too rigid with ourselves and the people around us, a lack of trust is usually at the root.

These qualities tend to be given different names—dedicated leadership, say—that cast them in an unquestionably positive light, but when we’re “winning at the Doing Olympics” (something that’s been said about me), we’re usually also fighting flow and ease at every turn, not to mention the natural seasonality of business and of life.

Take the first step

So, what the heck do I do about this, Michelle?

I always want to leave you with an actionable takeaway. Here’s the first step to dropping the fight:

You need to be aware of and open to this concept. That’s easier said than done, I know. If you’re reading this and thinking, “Whatever, I’m an Alpha, and this is just how I roll,” then this first step won’t come easily—it definitely didn’t for me.

Before I started dropping my own fight, all of my self-worth was tied up in my High Achiever reputation. I know I’m not alone there. It can be next to impossible to look at all that achieving as anything but glowingly positive, but in the 2019 picture, it wasn’t just my physical health that was suffering—it was my mental and emotional health, too. I was deeply unhappy and wounded, so where else could I get my worth from other than the business recognition I was winning and the money I was raking in?

Step one is working on getting past that mindset and recognizing that you are so much more than your job title or your company’s most recent profits. That’ll take a lot of work and the support of high-quality people in your life, so don’t be afraid to reach out.

Remember: Self-awareness, self-actualization, is your life’s work.

Listen to this Rich Life Revolution episode to discover even more about my own journey to drop the fight. And I’d love to hear how all this resonates with you, so hit me up in my social DMs to share your experience!

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