Working On Your Why: Feminine Leadership Fundamentals with Romy Marlo Ellis – Ep 20

Whose “why” are you working on?

Content Warning: This episode contains mentions of suicidal thoughts between the 8- and 10-minute mark. If you need professional assistance, please contact your country’s support line.

We all have goals we’re working towards in our lives, whether they’re focused on the success of our businesses, milestones in our personal lives, or some combination of the two. The idea of transformation is so appealing, but just like any new summit or course correction, it’s essential to get our heads straight first! Romy Marlo Ellis knows from experience that if your why is sound, the process can be absolutely life-changing.

The truth of the transformation

A former high school teacher, champion bodybuilder, and gym owner, Romy is certainly no stranger to the power of transformation. In the almost decade since she shifted to coaching of the more holistic variety, she has amassed a wealth of understanding about the structures we need to transform into better versions of ourselves—the kinds that are true to what we really want and who we really are, not muddied by the expectations and loud voices of others.

While running her own gym, Romy encountered many women with the same desires: they wanted to lose weight, look better naked, or fit into their jeans. In our aesthetics-obsessed society, few people question these goals. Of course they want to lose weight—doesn’t everyone?

Getting to the depth of your “why”

But Romy asked them to look deeper. Why did they want to lose weight? If it was to look better in a bathing suit, she’d them why they wanted that. Why, why, why, until the layers had been peeled away to reveal the sincerest reason. Usually, like most of us, these women wanted to prove, mostly to themselves, that they had the power to change their lives.

“When we talk about emotions, we get emotional,” Romy explains. A lot of these interactions with gym clients resulted in tears and introspective conversations. In this way, Romy was coaching women long before she officially became an executive leadership coach.

The facets of feminine leadership

In her coaching practice and her business, The Uncommon Woman, Romy focuses on feminine leadership. This approach is not only for people who identify as women. Rather, it’s for anyone who identifies as having strong feminine energy. If that resonates with you, she says, you probably have it.

Romy recommends thinking about your dominant energy like the water in your body. We need other nutrients, rest, and oxygen to live, too, but water is the majority of what powers our being.

Feminine energy is often seen as flaky, weak, or insubstantial. When a woman stands her ground or runs a team, she’s considered to be leaning into her masculine energy. But that definition has it all wrong.

Creativity, playfulness, and intuition all come from our feminine energy. So, too, does our ability to be communicative, collaborative, and compassionate. Feminine energy is also strategic; just think about the planning and focus that raising children takes. We might better be described as “being in our masculine energy” when we shove past boundaries—our own or others—or overdo it and stop listening to our intuition.

In this episode of the podcast, I dig into feminine leadership, intuition, the levels of why, and the vastly varied interpretations of “richness” with this inspiring and open-hearted woman. Be sure to check out our full conversation and start working on your deepest why!


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